Morgan BellI LIKE CAUCASIANS
February 25th 2009 19:01
I like Caucsians.
Even if they make racist statements, at least they ask if theyre racist directly after making them.
They work really hard at making immigrants feel special by lumping people together by race and making condescending generalisations. They start off being a little bit racist, and then, bit by bit, they affirm more sterotypes, and assign more traits to whole races based on a few individuals that they have observed from behind their security screens. They are remarkably pleasant.
I feel safe around Caucasians. I know they will never rape me because they are too busy monitoring people of other races. I would never perpetuate a myth that said they are physically weak, effeminate, or submissive because of their race. Besides, I know they are all non-rapists by the way they are always looking out for non-Caucasians. They never stop looking down their noses or keeping an judgmental eye on minorities. These tasks are made easier by their non-slanty eyes.
Most of all I really like eating white babies. It's just like eating a cheap plastic doll. Mmmmm tasty. A Caucasian would never sell their baby or leave it in the car park of a casino, but sometimes they are so busy patting you on the head that they dont even noticed when you stir-fry their offspring.
I have to say all these things because if I don't assert that Caucasians are cute and lovely then I know people will automatically think the opposite. Well, why wouldnt they? Everyone hates Caucasians right?
By giving my approval of this race of people I may have prevented a hate crime.
All you Caucasians now have my permission to act as Caucasian as you like. I will allow you to live in my country.
I have the authority to grant this permission because I am from a superior race.
Even if they make racist statements, at least they ask if theyre racist directly after making them.
They work really hard at making immigrants feel special by lumping people together by race and making condescending generalisations. They start off being a little bit racist, and then, bit by bit, they affirm more sterotypes, and assign more traits to whole races based on a few individuals that they have observed from behind their security screens. They are remarkably pleasant.
I feel safe around Caucasians. I know they will never rape me because they are too busy monitoring people of other races. I would never perpetuate a myth that said they are physically weak, effeminate, or submissive because of their race. Besides, I know they are all non-rapists by the way they are always looking out for non-Caucasians. They never stop looking down their noses or keeping an judgmental eye on minorities. These tasks are made easier by their non-slanty eyes.
Most of all I really like eating white babies. It's just like eating a cheap plastic doll. Mmmmm tasty. A Caucasian would never sell their baby or leave it in the car park of a casino, but sometimes they are so busy patting you on the head that they dont even noticed when you stir-fry their offspring.
I have to say all these things because if I don't assert that Caucasians are cute and lovely then I know people will automatically think the opposite. Well, why wouldnt they? Everyone hates Caucasians right?
By giving my approval of this race of people I may have prevented a hate crime.
All you Caucasians now have my permission to act as Caucasian as you like. I will allow you to live in my country.
I have the authority to grant this permission because I am from a superior race.
| 224 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
By the way, what 'superior race' do you hail from Morgan? Oh that's right sugar dumpling, you're 100% Amazonian! Whose raping who now bitch?!
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Whoa Nelly! You should do satire more often my lovely.
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
you have strange fantasies about me . . . maybe im Asian?
hi Ruby,
well I always read Norm's posts and wish i could be more like him . . .
maybe i could do a collection of short satires as a best-selling eBook?
i hear thats what all the white supremicists are doing these days . . .
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
i think Norm might like midgets . . . well he likes Tom Cruise!
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
...it seems Google doesn't like Caucasians as much as you do!
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
i cant remember if you like big butts, or you dont like big butts?
its a conundrum!
hi alt_ed,
butt pirates everwhere . . . nazi butt pirates!
hi Epiphanie,
i should do this more often!
i thought the scared ahite baby about to be eaten was quite fitting!
hi Cibbuano,
i see one ad called Caucasian Race, but im not entirely sure where it would lead to . . . white sheets and pointy white hats?
Caucasians are so unloved, im glad i spoke up about how good their babies taste, i think it will change public perceptions!
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Like Cibby - I loved the Biracial women ads - think you've struck gold Morgan.
LYW
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
ethnic slurs could be the secret to success . . .
hi Chris,
yes i think safe butt appreciation is the only way to go!
Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
good for a giggle hey?
thanks for stopping in!
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
im glad you have enjoyed!
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
i like your thinking!
and i like the term "obamaian" haha
very intentive use of language!
Comment by Anonymous2
Your intelligence and insight are astounding. How do you manage to penetrate the fog of obfuscation and reveal to us the evil attitude that lies behind seemingly innocent blogs that are foisted on us by some reprehensible bloggers? Orble should pay you to manage this rag-tag bunch. You do such a great job. I'm going to watch very closely. Your on your way to stardom, babe.
Comment by stu-kicks
stu kicks
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
thanks for the inspiration
hi Stu,
a very special kind . . .
hi alt_ed,
stop being so racist!
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by May
Music Dime
If i were to walk down a street with you, in all my asian glory, the caucasians would have quite a task on their hands. Would their "non-slantly eyes" deem me caucasian enough (through sheer association with you) to remove me from their surveillance?
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
good old adsense . . . always entertaining!
hi May,
i think Caucasians would allow you to live amongst them as long as you have a cute baby that they can coo over; see HERE
Comment by Teresa Ralton
MRS SMITH
READ THIS
SISTERS IN CRIME
It's nice that the people here, on Orble, are so helpful and friendly to each other.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Katyzzz writes: "You've made some very good points there, Teresa, I've always had Asian friends. That's one very cute baby there, as you say."
And Damo "I like Asians so much I married one.
I do get the point and irony of this post.
I am yet to see anything offensive about in it.
Asia is a big place with lots of people."
Can I be a little bit racist here for a moment and say, who the fuck does Damo think he is trying to claim he's not Asian? Have you read his blog?!
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
i havent seen you around for AGES!
i presume you are doing something fabulous in the movie reviewing realm . . . and of course i will be suitably jealous!
there are some white people i just wouldnt want representing me if we were grouping people by race and assigning general attributes
hi alt_ed,
sometimes i think Damo is determined to disagree with me even if it means contradicting himself, i seem to remember his initial response being:
Only if you are serious and not Asian.
apparently whether an idea is offensive is relative to how much you dislike the person pointing it out
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
Are Australians racist if they use the word Aboriginal instead of abo when they say they don't want one in the street?
If you use the term racist instead of just acknowledging we are all homo sapiens, ie of the same species, are you racist then?
I'd rather we just split people up into stupid, and intelligent. i.e. we are the intelligent ones, those others are stupid and we are allowed to rubbish them.
There is only one god, there are many ways to worship.
I just wanted to say that - I thought of it yesterday, and I'm trying the concept out. But I'm a 'not really sure atheist/agnostic' who believes in Mother Nature as an important thing.
I am so confused!
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Australia is a big place. With not so many people.
Lebanon is a small place. With hardly any people.
What the fact does that have to do with anything? Nothing.I just get off on making totally irrelevant statements so that easily influenced types mistake my pompousness for profundity.
Oh yeah, my Asian neighbour down the street is giving away her latest litter of cute Asian babies. Free to good home. They are so cute! Like little dolls! Just the thing to give to your precious white child on his/her birthday.
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Sweet Style Asian Baby Doll:
WARNING:
CHOKING HAZARD - Small Parts.
Not for children under 3 yrs.
The Sweet Style Asian Baby Doll normally sells for $125 - now On Sale for $106 while supplies last. A savings of $19 !!!
The dolls that love you back!
The Sweet Style Asian Baby Doll is a full 24" toddler and comes dressed in a strawberry and floral print baby doll top with flower sequin appliqué. The Sweet Style Asian Baby Doll also has matching red sequin headband, denim blue jeans, red Mary Jane shoes, a "Peaches" style face, brown hair and brown eyes and an Asian skin tone.
Product features:
- 24" Tall
- Denim jeans
- Asian skin tone
- "Peaches" face
- Amazingly life-like
- Brown hair and eyes
- Red Mary Jane shoes
- Flower sequin appliqué
- Strawberry and floral print baby doll top
Special Order - Non Returnable
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
White babies take years and years to stop shitting where they shouldn't. The Asian babies are clean from the moment they go from birthing bed to rice paddy the next day.
Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Should I send her my passport photo and documentation or would that make me racist?
Maybe she didn't like it when I said I would hit her with my wok, which we all obviously have being such good cooks and all. I wonder if it makes me a racist for being of Asian descent when my favourite food is a good kebab?
I'm off to steal someone else's job now but it's ok because caucasions like me. they said so in a blog.
PS, I like caucasians too, there dogs and cats are very yummy ROFLMAO
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
maybe we could split people into intellectually developing and intellectually developed . . . although in a way we are all still learning and we could all be better
theres alway debate between what constitutes "racialism" and what constitutes "racism . . . one person may see insidious indirect racism, while another might think racial profiling etc is acceptable
as for god, im an atheist, but i think your theory could be quite applicable to the theists of this world
thanks for the comments
hi Ruby,
did you see this:
You have my vote.
hi alt_ed,
sweet style asian baby doll . . .
choking warning . . .
its the irresistable sweet and sour flavour that lures people to their deaths . . . asian revenge!
hi Johnny,
i actually saw your comments before they were deleted and had a good laugh when you mentioned your wok! haha
i also liked when you listed the people of asian descent who blog on Orble, a good reminder of how multi-cultural this little online community is
keep up the good work
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
protest the fact that your blog is so popular probably. how dare you Morgan? how dare you appeal to such a wide range of people with your logic and your facts? why that's positively Dawkinsian! and not to be tolerated under any circumstances.
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
I barely know who this Dawkins bloke is, and I have trouble following some of these thoughts, way too deep.
I am enjoying myself though, and that's what counts, isn't it? That I have a good if confused giggle sometimes.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Dawkinsian!
what a cool word!
i could think of no greater compliment!
only a person who writes a rants about the evils of ranting, or likens blogging to war atrocities <insert pic of military tanks here> could possibly think that Dawkins is the devil
as for his newly acquired disciple, i can only speculate that the deletion of so many different peoples comments was designed to disguise how contemptuous some members of Orble found the article . . . was it a coincidence that the deleted people were of asian descent?
im sure during the biblical apologetics apprenticeship it will become apparent that deleting blog comments, in true hysterical style, should be likened to "historical revisionism"
i think the lesson plan goes like this . . .
Module 1: Claims of persecution
Module 2: The art of hyperbole and blowing things out of proportion
Module 3: Contradiction and hypocrisy
Module 4: Long-winded non-sensical diatribes and the art of verbosity
Module 5: How to bait and attack other bloggers while preaching about how wrong it is, and other associated juggling acts
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
im glad you are enjoying yourself!
i wouldnt knock country folk, ive been living in the country for the last 18 months, and learn some valuable things about how women socialise in isolated areas
Dawkins is an evolutionary biologist and author and film maker, he often discusses god, atheism, genetics, biology, evolution, natural selection, and creation etc
i did a post on one of his documentaries the other day
CLICKHERE for "The Root of All Evil?"
you can view the full 90min program for free
he puts forth some interesting theories and is always searching for more knowledge and evidence
Comment by Teresa Ralton
MRS SMITH
READ THIS
SISTERS IN CRIME
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
still looking for Orble staff?
Jon advised on THIS post that the complaint procedure is as such:
complaints -at - orble.com
and I'll pass it through the insult-o-meter.
Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
thanks, sometimes it pays to turn things on their head if you really want to see them!
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Teresa says:
Sorry Johnny, looks like I'm taking credit for the wok comment... Not only does Teresa not believe you are Asian, she doesn't even believe you exists hahahaha
Comment by the-sandwich-shak
Just to get back to the original subject, is stir-frying the only way you cook white babies?
I have two I'd sometimes like to put in an oven...LOL
Sam
Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Did you at least water me when you planted me. There's a drought on you know. Don't worry half of us are under flood.
Hey Sam, forget the babies of caucasians, ours are yummier (actually we substitute them with neighbourhood cats and dogs - they taste like bacon...and chicken) . Maybe we should have a good old fashioned Aussie barbie to make all you caucasians feel at home. Just let us know when it's on so I can go steal your jobs. You aren't dole bludgers are you? I want to steal real money making jobs.
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
so if you created Johnny, and i created you, and Ruby created me . . . oh no, did Ruby create Winston, and just fooled me into agreeing with her with her magic genie powers . . . anyway does that mean Johnny is really Arab, and we are all just one big fake Asian homo flying around on a magic carpet ride?
hi Sandwich Shak,
it is definately not the only way, if you were English you might want to prepare several babies Turducken style . . . the preparation really pays off!
hi Johnny,
it must be a relief to know that you dont exist!
nothing says Caucasian like pretending coloured folk and their problems dont exist when they become too demanding or defiant!
i dont think Asians can steal dole payments - there are no rickshaw spaces at centrelink