the truth about cats and dogs . . .
July 13th 2008 07:04
anyone who owns a cat would know how dramatic they can be . . . ungrateful, temperamental, suspicious . . . i recieved this forwarded joke email the other day (original author unknown) imagining what would go into a dog or cats daily diary if they had the ability and inclination to write one . . . i couldnt have said it better myself!
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................
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Comment by Cheryl J
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He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
So funny and for anyone that owns a cat, I fear all too true
Comment by Morgan Bell
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it a goodie hey!
this is my favourite bit:
the writer has obviously been around alot of cats! haha
Comment by Sara Dobson
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Dogs come when called, cats take a message and get back to you. So true
Comment by Morgan Bell
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oh that is so true!
cats have so much attitude!
they only hang out with you when THEY want to! haha
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
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wee simpal foke lyke 2 thingk at leest wee precide ova soemthink in tha aminal kingdumb.
A LOL post - but soooo true.
Where's the ball , where's the ball . . .
Stay well
Comment by Norm
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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i still havent figured out if pets are like their owners or owners are like their pets! haha
for the longest time (a probably still to this day) i think all dogs are boys and all cats are girls! LOL
dont ask me how they breed . . .
hi Norm,
dont i even get an exclamation mark???
so little enthusiasm for furry friends keeping diaries . . .
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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well you obviously didnt see the pics i posted of cats being given baths! haha
CLICKHERE for "do cats really need baths?"
Comment by Norm
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Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Norm
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Footy Power
I meant to say Sorry!
Comment by JohnDoe
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Both Cats and Dogs have been part of my family at one stage or another so this gave me a knowing laugh...(Though I have always been a dog person)
Thanks Morgan
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i was just watching an episode of Seinfeld where she dumps a guy for not using an exclamation mark! haha
i thought the shocked face was quite appropriate!
Comment by Morgan Bell
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ahhh a knowing laugh!
yes i think i gave it a knowing nod and smile . . . cats are completely insane . . . i know a couple who own a pug dog and he is such a happy-go-lucky animal, the complete opposite of a cat!
Comment by RubySoho
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She had the baby.
She had the baby!
Comment by slacko
Blog du slack
Comment by Morgan Bell
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yes!
that was the episode, elaine is hilarious!
hi slacko,
its pretty cute hey?
thanks for the comment!