Morgan Bellthe truth about cats and dogs . . .
July 13th 2008 07:04
anyone who owns a cat would know how dramatic they can be . . . ungrateful, temperamental, suspicious . . . i recieved this forwarded joke email the other day (original author unknown) imagining what would go into a dog or cats daily diary if they had the ability and inclination to write one . . . i couldnt have said it better myself!
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................
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Comment by Cheryl J
Rhythmatism
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He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
So funny and for anyone that owns a cat, I fear all too true
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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it a goodie hey!
this is my favourite bit:
the writer has obviously been around alot of cats! haha
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
Dogs come when called, cats take a message and get back to you. So true
Comment by Morgan Bell
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oh that is so true!
cats have so much attitude!
they only hang out with you when THEY want to! haha
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
wee simpal foke lyke 2 thingk at leest wee precide ova soemthink in tha aminal kingdumb.
A LOL post - but soooo true.
Where's the ball , where's the ball . . .
Stay well
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i still havent figured out if pets are like their owners or owners are like their pets! haha
for the longest time (a probably still to this day) i think all dogs are boys and all cats are girls! LOL
dont ask me how they breed . . .
hi Norm,
dont i even get an exclamation mark???
so little enthusiasm for furry friends keeping diaries . . .
Comment by RubySoho
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Thought Zone
Comment by Morgan Bell
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well you obviously didnt see the pics i posted of cats being given baths! haha
CLICKHERE for "do cats really need baths?"
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I meant to say Sorry!
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Both Cats and Dogs have been part of my family at one stage or another so this gave me a knowing laugh...(Though I have always been a dog person)
Thanks Morgan
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i was just watching an episode of Seinfeld where she dumps a guy for not using an exclamation mark! haha
i thought the shocked face was quite appropriate!
Comment by Morgan Bell
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ahhh a knowing laugh!
yes i think i gave it a knowing nod and smile . . . cats are completely insane . . . i know a couple who own a pug dog and he is such a happy-go-lucky animal, the complete opposite of a cat!
Comment by RubySoho
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She had the baby.
She had the baby!
Comment by slacko
Blog du slack
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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yes!
that was the episode, elaine is hilarious!
hi slacko,
its pretty cute hey?
thanks for the comment!