Morgan Bellyou know you're white trash when . . .
March 22nd 2008 14:45
you set a bonfire in your front yard?
when tally-hos and a bottleopener/corkscrew are permanent items in your bag?
when your main excercise is lifting a plastic glass of cask wine to your mouth?
when i read Cibbuanos blog post Liking bottled water is a racial issue i was referred to a list of things that white people like (apparently) Full List of Stuff White People Like
you see im white but for some reason i could barely relate to anything in the list . . . after some ponderance i came to a realisation: IM WHITE TRASH!!!
ahhhhh mystery solved!
the list itself is a piece of comedy and i think part of the humour is making the word "white" synonymous with "rich" and perhaps even more accurately "rich, heterosexual, middle-aged, middle-class, and middle-of-the-road" (white admittedly probably does describes 95% of white people)
coffee, organic food, yoga, travelling, wine, marathons, not having a tv, vegetarianism, living by the water, bicycles, divorce, lawyers, dogs, study abroad, natural medicine, bottled water, t-shirts, shorts, outdoor performance clothes, st patricks day . . . give me a break!
i couldnt tell the difference between a good coffee and a bad coffee, infact i genuinely prefer cheap instant coffee like "international roast" . . . i put about 15 sugars into it anyway . . . and similarly with wine, anything over $10 would just be wasted on my palette, i drink cask for value or passion pop for special occassions! lol
trendy exercise, fitness clothing and special dietry needs? yeah i dont have the money, the time, or the motivation . . . mostly the money haha . . . us white trash tend to prefer tight black pants and low cut tops rather than t-shirts and shorts, i would never ask anyone where they got their shirt from because i know the answer would be "k-mart, about six years ago mate"
i dont have a lawyer on staff, i dont like the beach, and i dont know anyone whos gotten divorced . . . mostly because i dont know anyone whos married . . . i know alot of long term defactos, quite a few women who have a couple of welfare kids to different fathers (trialling potential husbands perhaps?) but frankly wedding dresses are an unnecessary expense for a white trash woman!
i think i really understood i was white trash last night when my friends set a bonfire in their front yard (yes my opening statements were not fictitious!) and i drank four bottles of passion pop while they had bourban and coke as a treat and we discussed how we dont get a full tank of petrol at the servo because its too much of an investment when our cars could break down at any moment and we would have to syphon it out with a hose hahahaha our cars are worth less than the petrol in their tanks! HAHAHA ahhhh i love it! IM WHITE TRASH AND PROUD!!
when tally-hos and a bottleopener/corkscrew are permanent items in your bag?
when your main excercise is lifting a plastic glass of cask wine to your mouth?
when i read Cibbuanos blog post Liking bottled water is a racial issue i was referred to a list of things that white people like (apparently) Full List of Stuff White People Like
you see im white but for some reason i could barely relate to anything in the list . . . after some ponderance i came to a realisation: IM WHITE TRASH!!!
ahhhhh mystery solved!
the list itself is a piece of comedy and i think part of the humour is making the word "white" synonymous with "rich" and perhaps even more accurately "rich, heterosexual, middle-aged, middle-class, and middle-of-the-road" (white admittedly probably does describes 95% of white people)
coffee, organic food, yoga, travelling, wine, marathons, not having a tv, vegetarianism, living by the water, bicycles, divorce, lawyers, dogs, study abroad, natural medicine, bottled water, t-shirts, shorts, outdoor performance clothes, st patricks day . . . give me a break!
i couldnt tell the difference between a good coffee and a bad coffee, infact i genuinely prefer cheap instant coffee like "international roast" . . . i put about 15 sugars into it anyway . . . and similarly with wine, anything over $10 would just be wasted on my palette, i drink cask for value or passion pop for special occassions! lol
trendy exercise, fitness clothing and special dietry needs? yeah i dont have the money, the time, or the motivation . . . mostly the money haha . . . us white trash tend to prefer tight black pants and low cut tops rather than t-shirts and shorts, i would never ask anyone where they got their shirt from because i know the answer would be "k-mart, about six years ago mate"
i dont have a lawyer on staff, i dont like the beach, and i dont know anyone whos gotten divorced . . . mostly because i dont know anyone whos married . . . i know alot of long term defactos, quite a few women who have a couple of welfare kids to different fathers (trialling potential husbands perhaps?) but frankly wedding dresses are an unnecessary expense for a white trash woman!
i think i really understood i was white trash last night when my friends set a bonfire in their front yard (yes my opening statements were not fictitious!) and i drank four bottles of passion pop while they had bourban and coke as a treat and we discussed how we dont get a full tank of petrol at the servo because its too much of an investment when our cars could break down at any moment and we would have to syphon it out with a hose hahahaha our cars are worth less than the petrol in their tanks! HAHAHA ahhhh i love it! IM WHITE TRASH AND PROUD!!
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Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
I am glad to see you are out, loud and proud of your trashiness!
For me, it is an ever evolving state.
I went from boganity, as a wee tot, to private school twat, to 'middle crass' ass, in the hacienda on the harbour foreshore, to drop out loser, to rapidly paling mountain trash.
However, today's trash is tomorrow's treasure, and remember, trash is only in the eyes of the beholder, and they can all go f#@k themselves!
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
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Artist Quirk
id like to think of myself as "glam trash" as i have blonde foils in my hair with noticable dark regrowth and ample silver jewellery weighing me down including a facial piercing . . .
other white trash excercise involves walking/staggering/hitch-hiki ng home from the local pub and squatting to pee behind parked cars lol
you just cant learn this level of class!
Comment by elliscurrerbell
i.m afraid im one of those people who only drink cocktails and have special dietry needs.....but all my friends are trash and i love them far more than my more "refined" city friends!!!
nice and funny
i like it!
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I was almost pissing myself throughout this post! Im white trash, and I live in white trash central. Oboy, do I know the feeling of not being able to fill up the car cos you'd just have to siphon it anyway.....
Im proud of it too, believe me. You learn so much more on this side of the tracks....And like you say,
Comment by Morgan Bell
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im so glad ive at least amused a few of you with my escapades, cos ive certainly amused myself!
rock on elliscurrerbell (go the goon!) and Kalikapsychosis (our side of the tracks rules!) . . . let me know if you ever write a confessional on your white trash ways and ill come over to your blog and have a laugh in return!
i am actually a rare species known as "educated white trash" and i generally like to write about art and culture, film, the environment, science, politics etc . . . but it doesnt take much for me to slip back to my roots . . . as a good friend of mine said "you can take the girl out of newcastle, but you cant take newcastle out of the girl"
thanks for stopping by and leaving comments guys!
cheers
Morgan
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Funny stuff you have here!
Tammy
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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i think bonfires in general are a white trash trademark, if you had a few rusting car-bodies in the yard that you used for parts i would totally come round your house and have some fruity gordo or a VB
** note to fellow white trash: bonfires are cool but if you throw a wheelie bin and/or some old tyres onto the bonfire and start setting off fireworks then you are just a carnie lol
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Take care! Tammy
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
You're definitely correct about the 'type' of white person that it represents... it's all about the yuppie hipsters, I guess.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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hey cibbuano, thanks for the inspiration for the blog, i wonder if white trash ever become yuppies or if its an ingrained quality as impossible to change as DNA?
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I am still laughing at Fogs Response... and your very funny post.
I think - like Fog and others - I have had my stint as white trash on and off over the years...(as well as intimate relationships with all those substances that encourage one to squat behind inanimate objects) ...perhaps, when the vulgalarity of life weighs too heavily there is no other way but to be dragged into it ((laughs)) how true that statement Oscar, how true!*wink*
I think I may even have been glam trash at one stage *chuckle* I've certainly lived through a time of a few old ford bodies around the farm whilst my husband tried to strip them, or flog them or whatever men do with these things that justifies them being there forever... although I never really liked the idea.
Having children of your own changes you, as does near death experiences and suddenly you want to do better... and so it goes... but not before relating a story of white trash from the absolute bottomof the can my neighbourhood, who had a big Hungi-style BBQ in the ground... melted all the sewerage pipes and had poop coming up all over the place for weeks, until council came and sorted it out.
I Mean along with the ciggrette butts, broken bottles, fights and constant abuse of the minors, which affected us all, they had to go...
I enjoy your writing ..
Lilla ...
Comment by mctroy
Comment by Morgan Bell
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oh my old friend mctroy, i dont think your going to convince anyone you are really 12 . . . no matter how many spliffs you give 'em lol (oh well maybe Dun & Bradstreet Collections) hahaha
im enjoying everyones comments more than my original post!
Comment by Cheryl J
Funny Videos
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
Just watch out Morgan, when white trashies talk about their roots it generally doesn't mean where they came from, it's more likely referring to getting laid.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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trust you to have shaggin on the brain . . . and if you dont have your own kids just open the creaky screen door and yell at somebody elses! hahaha